These are a few of my favorite things.

1. Awkwardphotos.com: You know how, when something really shitty happens, friends and family say, “Fifteen years down the line, we’re gonna’ look back at this and laugh” ; and, through the tears, you say, “You think? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to laugh at this. It’s just so. . .horrible.” This website is a pictorial representation of the scenario I just described. As a kid, I HATED taking family photos. I remember my mother squeezing me into too-small shoes and midget dress suits in 105-degree Miami weather. Most of us despise family photos and can’t imagine deriving pleasure for the most insincere of family facades. Trust me: This website will give you hours of enjoyment.

2. Roomba: Every gay has his limits. Some won’t top; others won’t bottom. I know gay guys who won’t go down on guys unless they’re wearing a condom. I’ve got boundaries, too. I don’t vacuum. Let me say it again in my best Real Housewives of Atlanta accent: “I dooooooooooon’t vacroom.” If I didn’t run my Roomba on a daily basis, my hardwood floors would turn into a thick, smelly dog hair carpet and then Carmen our cleaning lady would yell at me for being messy. I am repeatedly shocked at how effectively Roomba vacuums my floor. And, no, “vacuums my floor” isn’t a euphemism for anything sexual. I may be gay but I do not advocate man-on-robot love.

3. Damages: This show is sexless porn for gay men who love bitchy, smart, stylish women. The program features two thin, Armani-clothed, gorgeous gals, who devote their lives to manipulating and trying to kill one another. It’s like a family reunion! I could spend 500 consecutive hours watching Glenn Close and Rose Byrne taking turns slapping one another in the face, licking blood off their lips, and whispering “bitch.” A quick note to my feminist friends who think gay men tend to objectify women as much (if not more) than straight men: You’re right! And I feel so much shame. So much. Maybe you should come over to my house, slap me in the face, call me “bitch,” and then watch my tongue wipe salty blood from the corner of my pretty, pretty mouth. Patty Hewes is a gay man’s Traci Lords.

4. Bump Application (iPhone): The poet in me loves poetic iPhone applications. Bump allows iPhone users to transfer contact information with a simple bump of two iPhones. I’m not kidding. Bump two iPhones against one another and the two devices exchange name, phone number, address, birthday, owner picture, and other bits of contact info. It’s like the devices are infecting one another with STD’s, or socially transmitted data. Bump’s the perfect application for coke head social butterflies who do bumps in the bathroom and can then bump newly made cocaine contacts into their cell phones. Hell, I don’t even do cocaine, and I love this application, which I might add is FREE on iTunes.

5. Complaining about being a second class citizen. There are many skeptics that believe that bitching over the internet won't do anything. I beg to differ! The more we cram this issue down people's throats the more public opinion will begin to change. Remember how the public ended the war in Vietnam? Yea that's right, by showing people soldiers dying every night on their TVs. Therefore, don't back down and keep putting up those Facebook statuses and Tweets. Keep strong brothers and sisters this fight will be ours in the end.


Let the sunshine in,
Noel Rodriguez.